David Brooks on Young People Becoming the Best Versions of Themselves

            In this New York Times column, David Brooks says he believes that for individuals, character is destiny, and for a healthy society, moral formation is essential. At a recent meeting hosted by the Making Caring Common project at Harvard, Brooks took note of some key ideas for teachers, parents, and “anyone who wants to build a society in which it is easier to be good”: 

• A communitarian ethos – A common belief today, says Richard Weissbourd, faculty director of Making Caring Common, is that young people’s ultimate goal is individual achievement and happiness, versus the common good and caring for others. “Schools that focus on moral education,” says Brooks, “stand athwart that tide. They have a sense of moral mission, that who you become is more important than what career track you pursue… They have rituals to mark transitions. They have retreats and group travel so that people can see one another before the makeup goes on.”
• Moral skill-building – “Treating people well involves practicing certain skills, which can be taught just as the skills of carpentry and tennis can be taught,” says Brooks. They include:
• The skills of understanding – listening well, eliciting people’s life stories so we accurately see them and they feel seen; 
• The skills of consideration and treating people well – offering criticism with care, asking for and offering forgiveness, breaking up with someone without crushing their hearts. 

Brooks fears that many young people aren’t learning these skills. 

• Exemplars – “Admiration is one of the most powerful moral emotions,” he says. Nelson Mandela revered Mahatma Gandhi; Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Standon admired each other. Kids need to study examples of true greatness. In the words of Warren Buffett, “Tell me who your heroes are, and I’ll tell you how you’re going to turn out.” 
• Moral traditions – “We are the lucky inheritors of many rich and varied moral traditions,” says Brooks. “Schools can teach these traditions and students can decide which seem true to them. People become their best selves as they begin to embody the values of a specific moral tradition.”
• Self-confrontation – Everyone has core faults they must confront and conquer, says Brooks. Dwight Eisenhower had a terrible temper; some people are egotistical, judgmental, or people pleasers. Parents and schools can help young people to acknowledge and try to fix their shortcomings. 
• Public service – “Community service, whether it’s feeding the poor, sitting with the homeless, or championing a cause, is not just to make society better,” says Brooks; “it is done to usher a transformation in the person doing the service.” This kind of service fosters emotional understanding – “the ability to be made indignant by injustice, outraged by cruelty, to know how to gracefully do things with people, not for people. That kind of knowledge comes through direct contact with the problems.” 

 “The Character-Building Tool Kit” by David Brooks in The New York Times, January 10, 2025; Brooks can be reached at dabrooks@nytimes.com.

Please Note: This summary is reprinted with permission from issue #1070 of The Marshall Memo, an excellent resource for educators.