Promoting Positive Self-Talk in Kids

             “You never know what’s going to stick in the littlest minds,” says Angela Haupt in this article in Time. She lists five ideas that therapists she interviewed wish every child would internalize:

• Listen to your shoulder angel. A helpful image for children is a devil on one shoulder giving bad advice (it might feel good but isn’t) and an angel on the other shoulder telling them to do the right thing. Children need to know they have the power to decide which one they’re going to follow.
• Bullies are just showing how they feel about themselves. “Mean people’s words and behaviors are a reflection of what’s going on inside of them, not you,” says author/therapist Amy Morin. This gets a child seeing there’s something else going on with this person that they don’t know about. Bullying is still wrong and needs to be dealt with, but empathy helps a child not take name-calling and bullying so personally.
• Asking for help is a kind of bravery. Becoming increasingly independent is important for children, but they can’t figure out everything for themselves and need to know there are times when being vulnerable and reaching out is the best thing to do.
• Just because you have a thought doesn’t make it true. A common misconception is that everything that pops into kids’ heads has equal value. They need to understand that this isn’t true and treat random (especially negative) thoughts with curiosity, like an investigator.
• You are loved for who you are, not what you do. When kids get too wrapped up in their performance in a softball game or a piano recital, messing up can be taken as a judgment on their worth as a person. A key message from adults is that these activities aren’t their identity. “The sooner that message becomes imprinted on a kid’s brain,” says Haupt, “the less likely they are to lean into the anxiety and perfectionism that could chase them for a lifetime.” 

 “5 Things Therapists Wish Every Kid Knew” by Angela Haupt in Time, November 10, 2025

Please Note: This summary is reprinted with permission from issue #1112 of The Marshall Memo, an excellent resource for educators.